LinkedIn Sales Message Critique

Spread The Word!


If you are using LinkedIn to spam your product’s features and benefits to key decision makers, you may be hurting your reputation. Here is an excellent example from Geoffrey James of what NOT to do when someone sends you a request to connect:

Original Sales Message:

Hi Jim;
The first thing I would like to say is “thank you” for connecting with me. I’d also like to use LinkedIn for its intended use, networking and sharing information. After 13 years of delivering customer feedback solutions to North American brands, we recognized our industry was severely overpriced for the value it delivered so we developed a highly affordable solution that creates value for your brand, beyond insights.

I’d like to introduce you to customerblitz™, the industry’s most affordable and full featured customer feedback solution available today. Big claim? Not really! Let’s start with our pricing model. It simple and 50% – 60% less expensive than our competitors.

  • Up to 100 locations: $1,975/month = as low as $19.75 per month/location
  • 101 to 200 locations: $2,475/month = as low as $12.38 per month/location
  • 201 to 300 locations: $2,975/month = as low as $ 9.92 per month/location
  • 301 to 400 locations: $3,475/month = as low as $ 8.69 per month/location
  • 401 to 500 locations: $3,975/month = as low as $ 7.95 per month/location
  • 500+ locations: We can discuss

Now for the features that create value for your brand beyond insights. They…

  • Engage customers with a branded mobile enabled, multi-language platform web portal.
  • Understand your customer’s experience, spending behaviors and competitive preferences.
  • Encourage positive social mentions from your customers by way of our social advocacy tool.
  • Notify local managers of poor customer experiences using real-time “Rescue” alerts.
  • Encourage exceptional employee behaviors with our real-time “Rave” Alerts.
  • Grow your customer email/SMS opt-ins by the tens of thousands automatically.
  • Reduce online cart abandonment by understanding customer’s online store experience.
  • Drive return visits by providing offers tailored based on your customers latest experience.
  • Increase customer delight, loyalty, frequency, conversion, and basket size with our data analysis.
  • Ensure all stakeholders get the information what they need with customized reporting & dashboards.
  • Pinpoint trends & opportunities with our semi-yearly Executive Insights Presentations.

Mark, we’ve changed the way our industry does business and our new clients, including iconic brand “Clouds”, wished we’d done it sooner. If saving 50% to 60% on your current customer feedback budget while having a full featured program in place fits into your companies plan, I sincerely hope you or a stakeholder connects with me.

Joe Smith, President

Geoffrey James’ Critique (We LOVE this!)

Your entire approach is wrong. Nobody wants a sales pitch in response to a connect. Just ask a relevant, short question based upon the contact’s profile. The idea is to get into a discussion and then, after you’ve established a dialog, gradually bring up your business, if it seems appropriate. Never send a sales pitch via LinkedIn. It’s like having somebody talk your ear off at a meet-and-greet during a conference.

Lesson for you

Treat LinkedIn as if it is a networking event. Before you post or send a message, ask yourself, “would I actually say this to someone at a business event?” If the answer is no, it’s time to rethink your message!

Geoffrey James, a contributing editor for, is an author, speaker, and award-winning blogger.  If you enjoyed this critique, sign up for his free weekly Sales Source newsletter where he sends out a weekly sales letter example. It’s a great resource!


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